Happy Day!

So yesterday I had a very happy birthday. The morning started out nice and early because I couldn't sleep...this was because I just knew my boards scores would be posted that morning. So, I get up, turn on my computer and check the website...I have a PT license in the state of TN!!!! I suppressed the urge to start screaming because Josh was still sleeping, but I did go wake him up and tell him the good news. I was nice about it, and he went right back to sleep. Then I called everybody I could think of who would be awake before 8am. That was a short list. Turns out my dad and step-mom already knew because they had checked the website first thing when they got up too! It just so happened they were up a few hours earlier than me. I told them they should have called because then maybe I would have been able to sleep in, but I knew that was a lie...then I would have just been wide awake a lot earlier. And my list of people to call would have been a lot shorter. Anyway, that was a FANTASTIC start to my day! I got to call my employer and tell them I can start work on Monday! The possibility of a paycheck 2 weeks from now is unbelievably exciting!

I'm kind of in a weird place now. Not bad weird, good weird. For years, my life has been focused on graduating PT school and passing my boards. Rarely did I think past this point because I just couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. Now I'm at the end of the tunnel, and there are so many awesome possibilities that I can hardly stand it! I feel like everything is almost too good to be true right now, but I really hope it's not. I am so excited to get my career started! And, as dorky as it sounds, I'm excited to be able to decorate my house and make it feel like a home. For 7 years I've lived in apartments that were sparsely decorated with antique white walls. Now, we own a home, and there is only one white room (and that's because I haven't decided what to paint it yet). The walls are slowly collecting pictures, and it's really starting to feel like a home instead of just a place to live. I know it sounds 1950's-esque, but I am really happy to be where I am right now! Pride is undoubtedly one of the seven deadly sins, but I am proud of who I have become on my journey through life.

Here's where it gets touchy...Part of who I am stems from the fact that I lost my mom to mesothelioma when I was 15. An insane amount of people feel sorry for me, and most of those just don't understand how I could achieve any kind of milestone in my life without my mom present. The fact is, she imparted so much love and knowledge to me in the short 15 years we were together, and I still feel like she's with me every day. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think of her, and every time I come to a milestone, I cry because I really hope she would be proud. She was one of the strongest people (notice I didn't say women...but people...period) that I have ever known. Bullheaded...yes...where in the world do you think my brother and I get it from? But she was unbelievably resilient when everyone told her to give up. I'm not just talking about her fight with mesothelioma. I'm talking about the fact that she was the most outspoken advocate I know for children with physical and mental disabilities, among other things. She stopped at nothing to make sure her patients got everything they needed. She even made sure they got plenty of presents at Christmas by sponsoring the Star Tree for underprivileged kids in the Blount County School System. I thought she was so awesome growing up, and the older I get, the more I realize what a fight she had to put up in order to make things happen the way she did. I would like to think that I approach things that I'm passionate about in the same manner. I hope one day that I can be as good of a mother over the full course of my children's lives that she was to me over a short 15 years. She inspired me to be everything that I am. And after she was gone, my dad was my hero. I've only been married for a year, and I cannot imagine what my life would be like without Josh in it. He is the love of my life. My heart aches for my daddy when I think that he shared 21 years and 2 children with her before God chose to take her home. But he managed to pick himself up off the ground and take care of my brother and I. Of course we've had disagreements...some more minor than others, but I knew that if worse came to worse, he would always stand by my side no matter what.

Unfortunately there was a time that I had to show him that I would stand by his side no matter what. I say unfortunately, not for the decisions he made, but for the decisions his family made in reaction to his decision to file for divorce. The same family that loved me, took care of me, and taught me what it is to love someone unconditionally just as God loved us...this same family chose to turn their back on my father. And worse, they tried to "recruit" me to side with them. As if that was really a choice for me. You see, to me, family means more than just being there when everything is great. It means that when things are dirty and awful and heartbreaking, that's when you really need to step in and love somebody even if you hate everything about what they're doing. During that period of time, I no longer regarded my family as family. Sure, they were technically blood relatives, but the people who stepped in to love and minister to my dad and I (for the record, only 2 were actual blood relatives who don't even live anywhere near here!)...those people were my family. And they are my family even now. Don't misunderstand, I still love my blood family. But I regard them and love them at arm's length now. I will never confide in any of them again. By turning their backs on my dad and I, they made me question everything they had ever taught me about God's love. They definitely didn't exemplify that unconditional love during that time. I refuse to trust anyone who does not live what they preach. And preach they do...but that's another subject...

Well, I think it's time to wrap it up for the night, but that's a little about me and what made me who I am...I'll write more as the inspiration strikes. Good night and God bless.